FIRST, it was living in a residence of mosquitoes and as if that wasn’t enough, we were barricaded by the influx of rats,( scary lot)and if it’s not a forced ‘lights out’ ( we hear the construction work disturbs the electric poles, ‘yimu’ it’s not today oh), it would be scarcity of water( fetching water all the way from ISL unilag was a pain in my butt, there’s no forming, you form, ‘u no baff’ u smell! )… the resevoir was sucked dry, the taps, dysfunctional, the water, coloured.  it was typical of an abandoned warehouse. This was the case of staying in Honors Hostel, unilag, AKA mosquito residence, AKA no guy go area…

Now, few months passed and am in this other hostel called Kofo Ademola Hall. ( this is my best hostel so far, even with the ‘eightness’ of us in the room with a high possibility of squatters and floaters.) didn’t I hide in toilet, with the keys taken when there was a squatters’ raid? Itunu hid in the locker and I thought she would suffocate, Mide had to sleep under the bed, like a luggage.

Now am a bonafide and all hell will be let loose! I dare the security to stop me, I will shove my clearance in his face! If at this level, I never got hostel, DSA would have personally heard from me!
So they pasted at the back of the doors, the new rules, (  I hope this doesn’t apply to Mosquito residence)and am like..  ‘say wetin happen’

#rule 1: do not cook in the room. impossibility is possible! So we should go to mile 12 from our bed space just because we want to eat( you may as well subscribe us to ‘ any work’ to provide our food services) and spread our utensils for ‘thiefers’ to steal when running around for food prep. A better idea, while not stock the kitchenette with available cooking things?

#rule 2: no standing on toilet seat, mehn, that’s death sentence. no potty allowed (I think rumoured)… you really want us to be ‘sharing diseases’ this rule… REJECTED!

#rule3: no pouring water and hanging of clothes along the corridor, seizure of mattress for 2weeks and further punishment: oh please! Excuse me, build a self contain or buy us a bicycle to ride to the toilet, wait, bicycle is small, a power bike! After seizing the mattress, you will return it and we will punish you for it by pouring more water, we may even decide to pour urine later…

#rule4: breaking of locker or door- ejection. So we purposely decided to turn violent and break our lockers and doors. Why not check the quality of it. If we ‘break our doors and lockers’ as you said, you will repair it, nothing more, nothing less. We already paid for damages.

#rule5: squatting of students not allowed.. (ahahahaah)…  squatting has existed even in the time of our ‘forefathers’. Probably, some of your top officials were once squatters so what’s the big deal? According to the Memorandum of Hostel Associates, we strongly disagree. Build more hostels or forget it.

Shout out to all ‘staylites’ and ‘hostelites’. May God deliver us from ‘school’. Say Amen!

Girl On d Word.                                                                                                                                                …Wording it!


6 thoughts on “MY HOSTEL AND I.

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