When I Was 16…

#ThrowBack Thursdays.

It happened that I was in love with someone at 16, infact, I think we started to date before I was 16. Something happened somehow and we called off the relationship. What happened actually was that I called it off and it hurt him deeply I could tell from the sound of his voice. What he didn’t know and I never told him until later was that I called it off because I felt incapable, incompetent and totally under age to be in a relationship.

Don’t laugh and don’t ask me why, okay,

laugh because I am laughing to. I didn’t even know what I was thinking, first of all, the relationship was coded, I didn’t want talks and stares and all that relationship saga, more importantly, I deeply felt it was morally wrong, I was just 16 and I was already in a relationship, this wasn’t America, the land of freedom, dating at 16 wasn’t just cool for me ( hard to believe but that’s just me for you )but you know how we are brought up here… to cut this short, I wanted it all to end even though some of his friends started getting suspicious.

So when I called it off and couldn’t stand the hurt I inflicted on him, I called him back to forget everything I told him about the break up, I wanted us back and I didn’t know what I was thinking. Little did I know it was the beginning of the end. His friends told him I was probably seeing another guy, at least that’s what he told me later and he was beginning to think so too, he wondered why I called it off and concluded I found someone else, how wrong! I wept.

Actually, I forced myself to cry though I was heartbroken. I was too stiff at heart to shed tears for a broken relationship, pride won’t let me free myself and I was heartbroken at the same time, I really was, I even wrote a song for this.
So he refused to take me back, I thought he did when we kissed again but then he didn’t and told me so, he was letting me go yet still loved me, I just couldn’t get it. I eventually accepted my fate but i accepted it badly. Some guy asked me out and I accepted, a guy that on a good day i would never say yes to, a kinda guy that I detested his nature. His friend came to top the job of asking me out and we started to go out. The first time we kissed, I knew I was deceiving myself, then he thought I was scared of him or something, not knowing I actually didn’t like him at all, he and his friends saw it like a game and I was playing in it, I saw it too but I opened just one eye to it, I was heartbroken and I needed a a kind of escape at least that was what I told myself. Well? I called the relationship off after some weeks and he kept calling back but durrrrh….

Not interested. I met someone else on chat and we started to date again, I was trying to free myself in dating other guys but I was just punishing me. And ofcourse I left him after three months and he was deeply hurt, I couldn’t continue because I knew I was deceiving both of us, I couldn’t do that to him, I used him to recover and I was sorry for it, he was a good guy.

Guess what…? I moved on today but I amuse myself whenever I remember it, what amuses me most is that the first guy I dated after the break up later told everybody that he slept with me, what glory he wanted to get from that I do not know, my ex walked up to me with pain in my eyes asking why I let him, at first I was confused until he opened his mouth to speak the words and I just smiled sheepishly, the whole thing sounded amusing. He lost the game I was in and just couldn’t find a way to rub his ego but to rain insults on me, sent me not so no nice texts, that’s perfectly fine, I deserved it.

I didn’t sleep with him, God forbid, I told my ex. He was just another fool…

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